Applications are posted for The Amazing Race!

Do you have a life goal? Is it to work toward the betterment of society? Retire wealthy at age 45? Find true love? Have your kid play major league ball? My life goal is to be on the Amazing Race. I went to CBS.com tonight for my usual bimonthly check of the casting page and what do I see? Yep, the applications are posted! This news is pretty exciting - almost to the point where I will stay awake all night thinking about strategies to get the casting people to choose me. I have applied about a million times (every episode since TAR 3 and they are now on TAR 14) and it seems that the casting people must not like the partners I've applied with. It can't be ME that they repeatedly scorn. So, I'm on the lookout for a new partner - one that the casting people will take one look at and say "This show cannot proceed unless this person is a part of it!"

Being pseudo-famous on reality TV is the not the allure here. It's the TRAVEL! And the ADVENTURE! And the crazy tasks and the testing one's limits and the competition and the millions of people talking about me online with no niceties spared. Well, maybe not that last one. Combining two of my favorite things - travel and competition - is just genius!

I am well aware that I will never get on this show, but at this point it's a matter of some weird version of pride that keeps me applying. I refuse to give up. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Ever notice that this famous motivational saying doesn't end with "and eventually you will succeed!"? Oh, it's implied, of course, but I think that whoever coined the phrase really just wanted to enjoy the humor of watching jackasses like me try, try, try, try, try again. And who am I to disappoint a coiner of famously cliche phrase?