Something's Wrong With Me

My friend Elaine's blog is entitled "Too Much Information". Today, I'm going to go with that theme and share what might be TMI for you. You've been warned.



Menstrual cramps suck. I'm sure all you girls can agree with this. Once a month for the past 20+ years I have bemoaned the fact that I was born female. But now each month, I'm not only bemoaning, I am also puking. Yep - for three months in a row as soon as those cramps start up, I start puking. It's horrible. And it can only mean that there is something wrong with me. After 20+ years of "normal" pain, this just can't be right.

The first time it happened I attributed it to an unhealthy, and possibly illegal, amount of ibuprofin consumption and not eating enough to handle such high quantities of pills. I figured Pat would give me a big "told you so" since he doesn't understand the need to take 5 pills and then take 3 more just a few hours later, continuously all day. It came at an unfortunate time - my mother and sister were flying in to visit me. I left work early, called Pat and asked him to leave work early, too. You see, I had not yet taken my car to be vacuumed and it would certainly not be okay to pick up my family with all that dog hair floating around. Pat is a lovely man and was able to get the car ready in time to meet Mom and Anne, while I stayed at home puking every hour. I thought I might be feeling a little better by early afternoon - I'd already puked four times, how much more could there be in me? So, I went along with Pat to the airport. Alas, I was not better and I got to experience the joy of puking in an airport bathroom. I don't recommend it. Then, about seven hours after it started, I really was all better. We went out for Mexican food to celebrate.

So the next month I made sure to eat properly, cut back on the chocolate and drink lots of water and only take 2 ibuprofen as the packaging requests you to do. Unfortunately, this did nothing to help the pain and it did nothing to prevent the puking. Another full day spent laying on the floor of my bathroom. If the pain wasn't going to drive me over the edge, the dripping of the shower threatened to do so. I seriously contemplated going to Urgent Care, but couldn't bring myself to get up off the floor. Six hours later, I was all better. I celebrated by packing up the dogs and going to an agility trial in Pinetop the next day.

But now I was worried because this was actually my body responding to itself, not to an overdose of ibuprofen. Though I have tons of sick time accrued, it really isn't going to work for me to call in sick once a month, every month. I went to the doctor for my not-quite-as-yearly-as-it-should-be yearly exam. She agreed that this was not normal for me. Her recommendation was that perhaps it was if I managed the pain better, I might not get the nausea. She prescribed me some Vicadin. I wasn't sure how I would react to Vicadin - it really isn't much better to miss work because I am knocked out than it is to miss work because I'm sick.

Yesterday was the test day. I went to work and the cramps hadn't started. I was very excited that perhaps I was cured! Then a little bit of cramps, so I took a Vicadin. I found that I could work through the pain-killer high, though it was challenging. If I could just close my eyes.... Then, uh-oh! Nauseau hits. I go home. I spend the next six hours between my real bed and my bed on the floor of the bathroom. Hmmm, the shower isn't dripping anymore. The Vicadin helped me sleep through most of the day, but any time I moved I felt like I could puke. I did only puke once, so that was an improvement. Seven hours later, I was all better - just a little woozy from the drugs. I went to play soccer to celebrate. (I had agreed to sub for the team and if I didn't play, they would have had to forfeit. I didn't run at all, just stayed back on D. We lost in overtime and that goal was partially my fault. Perhaps I should have let them forfeit.)

Now it's time to make another doctor's appointment and get this figured out. When my busy events season starts in the fall, I won't have the luxury of being able to go home sick. I predict lots of doctor's visits in my future.